SCHRÖDINGER’S RAPIST: Better if we Men understand it Sooner than Later

Sorry Guys if u feel 'm favouring Girls in this post but pls understand...I feel this post is the need of the hour...

Well even I have not written dis post (as I did not have enough knowledge about it), its copied from PHAEDRA STARLING, a New York based novelist's articles. Following is the article in her words..

Let me start out by assuring you that I understand you are a good sort of person. You are kind to children and animals. You respect the elderly. You donate to charity. You tell jokes without laughing at your own punchlines. You respect women. You like women. In fact, you would really like to have a mutually respectful and loving sexual relationship with a woman. Unfortunately, you don’t yet know that woman—she isn’t working with you, nor have you been introduced through mutual friends or drawn to the same activities. So you must look further afield to encounter her.

So far, so good. Miss LonelyHearts, your humble instructor, approves. Human connection, love, romance: there is nothing wrong with these yearnings.

Now, you want to become acquainted with a woman you see in public. The first thing you need to understand is that women are dealing with a set of challenges and concerns that are strange to you, a man. To begin with, we would rather not be killed or otherwise violently assaulted.

“But wait! I don’t want that, either!”

Well, no. But do you think about it all the time? Is preventing violent assault or murder part of your daily routine, rather than merely something you do when you venture into war zones? Because, for women, it is. When I go on a date, I always leave the man’s full name and contact information written next to my computer monitor. This is so the cops can find my body if I go missing. My best friend will call or e-mail me the next morning, and I must answer that call or e-mail before noon-ish, or she begins to worry. If she doesn’t hear from me by three or so, she’ll call the police. My activities after dark are curtailed. Unless I am in a densely-occupied, well-lit space, I won’t go out alone. Even then, I prefer to have a friend or two, or my dogs, with me. Do you follow rules like these?

So when you, a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself: Will this man rape me?

Do you think I’m overreacting? One in every six American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. I bet you don’t think you know any rapists, but consider the sheer number of rapes that must occur. These rapes are not all committed by Phillip Garrido, Brian David Mitchell, or other members of the Brotherhood of Scary Hair and Homemade Religion. While you may assume that none of the men you know are rapists, I can assure you that at least one is. Consider: if every rapist commits an average of ten rapes (a horrifying number, isn’t it?) then the concentration of rapists in the population is still a little over one in sixty. That means four in my graduating class in high school. One among my coworkers. One in the subway car at rush hour. Eleven who work out at my gym. How do I know that you, the nice guy who wants nothing more than companionship and True Love, are not this rapist?

I don’t.

When you approach me in public, you are Schrödinger’s Rapist. You may or may not be a man who would commit rape. I won’t know for sure unless you start sexually assaulting me. I can’t see inside your head, and I don’t know your intentions. If you expect me to trust you—to accept you at face value as a nice sort of guy—you are not only failing to respect my reasonable caution, you are being cavalier about my personal safety.

Fortunately, you’re a good guy. We’ve already established that. Now that you’re aware that there’s a problem, you are going to go out of your way to fix it, and to make the women with whom you interact feel as safe as possible.

To begin with, you must accept that I set my own risk tolerance. When you approach me, I will begin to evaluate the possibility you will do me harm. That possibility is never 0%. For some women, particularly women who have been victims of violent assaults, any level of risk is unacceptable. Those women do not want to be approached, no matter how nice you are or how much you’d like to date them. Okay? That’s their right. Don’t get pissy about it. Women are under no obligation to hear the sales pitch before deciding they are not in the market to buy.

The second important point: you must be aware of what signals you are sending by your appearance and the environment. We are going to be paying close attention to your appearance and behavior and matching those signs to our idea of a threat.

This means that some men should never approach strange women in public. Specifically, if you have truly unusual standards of personal cleanliness, if you are the prophet of your own religion, or if you have tattoos of gang symbols or Technicolor cockroaches all over your face and neck, you are just never going to get a good response approaching a woman cold. That doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a life of solitude, but I suggest you start with internet dating, where you can put your unusual traits out there and find a woman who will appreciate them.

Are you wearing a tee-shirt making a rape joke? NOT A GOOD CHOICE—not in general, and definitely not when approaching a strange woman.

Pay attention to the environment. Look around. Are you in a dark alley? Then probably you ought not approach a woman and try to strike up a conversation. The same applies if you are alone with a woman in most public places. If the public place is a closed area (a subway car, an elevator, a bus), even a crowded one, you may not realize that the woman’s ability to flee in case of threat is limited. Ask yourself, “If I were dangerous, would this woman be safe in this space with me?” If the answer is no, then it isn’t appropriate to approach her.

On the other hand, if you are both at church accompanied by your mothers, who are lifelong best friends, the woman is as close as it comes to safe. That is to say, still not 100% safe. But the odds are pretty good.

The third point: Women are communicating all the time. Learn to understand and respect women’s communication to you.

You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.

If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”

On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.

The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.

There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?

Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.

This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.

So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone.And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.

The fifth and last point: Don’t rape. Nor should you commit these similar but less severe offenses: don’t assault. Don’t grope. Don’t constrain. Don’t brandish. Don’t expose yourself. Don’t threaten with physical violence. Don’t threaten with sexual violence.

Shouldn’t this go without saying? Of course it should. Sadly, that’s not the world I live in. You may be beginning to realize that it’s not the world you live in, either. 

ON THE GRAND OCCASSION OF MY TAX EXAM!!

Hey Sri Sri 1008 Tax jee Maharaj.. We all know the greatness of your power to regulate the economy but Kindly have mercy on Poor devotees of yours..and give us the strength to learn all the rules and sections of your great creation Income Tax Act,1961..
But as you know your humble devotee needs time to breath air also..
SO WITH YOUR SUPREME POWER KINDLY AMEND THE ACT IN RETROSPECT AND MAKE THIS TALISMAN OF SECTIONS INTO MORE COMPREHENDABLE PARAS..
I know the Kind Master will definitely give patient hearing to our humble (but urgent as there is no time left for re-appeal:) ) appeal..
Tou Bhakton Jor se Bolon Sri Sri 1008 TAX Jee Maharaj kee Jai!!!

My doing in a way or other related to you

No matter what ever things I do,

I just end up thinking about you,

You are the only special girl for me,

Thats the thing I want you to see,

I love you from the inner of my soul,

Because you are my every thing my all,

No matter what ever things I do,

I will keep on luving u..

I don't love anyone else,

Because you are the only one with a vry sp. glance,

All these things are not just fake,

And to prove thm all the pains I can take..

No matter whatever things I do,

I will keep on loving u..

Hold my hand and leave me never

Hold my hand and leave me never,

and baby i promise you my love forever.

Their might me many girls in this world,

But to loving them like you would be just absurd.

Because your love is my only treasure that i want to keep,

That's why i have hidden this treasure in my heart too deep.

My heart is too much stubborn, it has stuck upon you,

It won't ever love another, even if it is sticken with glue.

Everytime you are near it shouts, "Hey sweetheart."

and asks "HOw much more are you gona stay apart.?

because life without you is as good as hell,

feels like am in a dark room without any torch or cell.

The day we broke up, I was stuck without any clue,

Because I had never learnt to fix someone like you.

Yet I'm glad that mine one dream come true,

In this life of mine, somewhere I too was loved by you.

Now in distance you might stay miles apart,

But baby you are always close to me in my heart.

Still for you, I'll be always their whenever u need,

and would happily fight with all you troubles by being in lead.

I would never let you mine absence felt,

Because baby u might have moved but I never really left.

Lastly,

I don't watch much cartoons, Yet "shinchan" is sweet,

And I promise you princess,

I will love you till my heart's last beat.. <3 

A new discovery within me

There I something that I have discovered inside me,
Something that only a few people would ever see.
Maybe this feeling is too much sacred and divine,
and it sometimes sends deep sensations throughout my spine (;
I know I could never give any name to it,
But you see you are the only one, who in my heart could fit ♥
So listening to people love is what i had to call it in the end,
and you are the only one, in front of whom I would on my knee would bend :)
I know I won't have much word to express the feeling that resides in my heart,
As you see baby, that is divine feeling and a marvelous piece of God's art :)
As in my heart resides the most beautiful angel on the Earth,
and yea I would love to be just with you even in my next birth ♥ :)
P.S I love you, and will always do ♥ :)

PERCEPTION: The Mirror of the Heart

'Perception' may be defined as-
Recognition and interpretation of sensory stimuli based chiefly on memory.

or a neurological processes by which such recognition and interpretation are effected

but are these scientifically proven statements giving us the full view of a perception, ofcourse not as it plays a much bigger role in one's life whether personal or professional.

By now you must be thinking why is the writer so much inclined to tell you about perception, well, its because the writer has felt that the 'Perception'  can both make and ruin one's life.

I think wherever the faculty of heart-brain is used the BIG 'P' of perception comes into existence . Hey but what is heart-brain? then to answer you-
The extensive neural communication network linking the heart with the brain and body, the heart also communicates information to the brain and throughout the body via electromagnetic field interactions. The heart generates the body’s most powerful and most extensive rhythmic electromagnetic field. Compared to the electromagnetic field produced by the brain, the electrical component of the heart’s field is about 60 times greater in amplitude, and permeates every cell in the body. The magnetic component is approximately 5000 times stronger than the brain’s magnetic field and can be detected several feet away from the body with sensitive magnetometers.
If still not convinced then read the whole article on-
 http://www.mindfulmuscleblog.com/heart-has-consciousness/

Still there are certain issues to be dealt which make the perception- mirror of the heart.Lets see how you take the following incident, there was a guy called Seby, an engineering graduate from NIT,Hamirpur, a cool guy don't know whether that was the effect of cool environment in the mountains or was much more ingrained in him. Anyways, it was saturday night and he was the fellow traveller with me as I was coming back from my assignment in Kullu. Ya I know you must be thinking how awesome job I must be having that I was going for work to Kullu,the famous hill station in Devbhoomi Himachal but guys don't think that as my job was not that cool to me rather it was a laborious exercise of first finding  out imperfectly planned frauds as for planned ones were beyond my reach and then at the end of the day there used to be a compromise between my senior authority and the alleged fraudster with me being rewarded with a smile by my senior and a smirk by the so called accused. Wait a minute it would be unfair on my part if I don't tell you that frauds I caught were never in crores but in a few hundreds or thousands and sometimes even lesser so don't think me to be a superstud, just in case you thought so..ohh.. I think that much is enough of my self gratification..  lets come back to Seby.

Seby was sitting on the seat ahead of me, the black cushions of the seat bit visible on the sides were enough to tell me it was a newly purchased bus and everybody in the bus was quite satisfied by the performance of the bus driver, a decent looking with a little overgrown beared giving him a look of a perfect philosopher who was looking quite cosy even in the hostile driving conditions being it was cherry (shoe polish) dark night,apologies could not get a better comparison than this. But still a thin seemingly malnourished girl wearing tattered clothes and a black colored shawl which seemed not been washed for weeks was not comfortable supposedly because she was travelling alone with a baby( in a paternalistic society this much was obvious) and to make the matter worse she will be reaching Chandigarh bus stand at 2am from where she had to take a bus to Moradabad but there was no bus service at that time which meant she will be required to wait at the bus stand with unsure waiting room facilities till 5am when the bus services will resume. Bus conductor, a middle aged man with dark ghostly eyes was more than happy to pass his time by advising the seemingly young mother 'on how to travel' ethics.

The bus was about to reach Chandigarh with only 15 Kilometers left  when suddenly the bus got stranded due to some mechanical failure. Alas, even the seeminly newly purchased bus also failed us but is that new to us as when newly built bridges can fall in our great country then a mortal bus also has a fundamental right to do the same. Like other passengers I too was worrried not because I will be late in reaching home but because person whom I had already called to reach at the bus stand also would feel harrassed for no fault of his.

So after utilising their brains for about half an hour, the driver finally announced that he could not do much about the present condition of the bus as the HP govt. transport undertakings' vehicle was demanding a professional mechanic to get repaired. The men sitting on the last seat of the bus decided to continue with their cards' games, don't know what was the name of the game but they were quite immersed in it sometimes I feel wish I could ever be so much immersed in my studies then I too would have cleared CAT with some better colors like many of my known.

An hour passed with we standing in middle of nowhere when suddenly Seby went upto driver to discuss somthing. As I had already seen the badge on his bag prominently declaring him to a 4th year student of NIT,Hamirpur so I guessed he must be enquiring about the mechanical health of the vehicle. Wasting no more time Seby was diligently working towards the solution now and I along with the back bencher men also supported the driver in pushing the bus forward with the astounding roar of Jo Bole So Nihaal Satsrikaal oye. May be the God's name worked more than our efforts and the bus' engine finally started. Seby,me and and the back benchers now became familiar to each other by now but this was causing problem to the conductor as his passengers were pointing fingers at him for his friendly behavior to the selected people of the bus. I think it was because the so called bus starters had become vocal in expressing their views about the TRAVEL ETHICS  on which the conductor was delivering lecture to the poor young woman. We reached Chandigarh at 4.30am and my friend whom I expected to be frustrated at the delay seemed quite happy to see me .

The different people in the above incident had diffrent views about different things some views were expressed but some were not and they were left to other's perception which they made as their heart said.

Moral of the Story: Left to your Perception!!!




   

College- The Heaven 'n the Hell

Sometimes I feel I have learnt more in the past 1-1.5 years than what I learnt in the past 15 years of formal education or should say I am not sure whether I learnt anything till graduation or not!

Don't worry I have not become an Einstein of sorts now who will give you lecture on new discoveries but its about the experiences that made me quite nearer to myself.

It will take more than one post to complete so kindly cooperate.

FEBRUARY 2011

Its the month of February and a time for cultural cum management fests in colleges around Delhi along with month for one of the most favorite festivals of youngsters aka Valentines Day. Ya I know you must have started thinking about what you did on that day oops.. how you spent that day with your special friend but for some of us like me, the singles, its the time for match-making. So like every single not by choice (but by stupidity) was also thinking that I might attract the person, mistake a correction - it should be the persons  whom I liked, just by wearing good clothes and by hanging around the places where those beautiful creatures are found. The show began during the class when one of my faithful friends used my example to encounter our dashing 62 year young professor's argument that studious guys find it easier to attract opposite sex and to add to the loser's saga in the evening when it was the time for my anchoring practice a person whom I admire also advised me to express and say to the one whom I liked.Although it was getting harder for me to ignore her advice but still I stopped myself partly because I was already preoccupied by the thoughts of preparing script and partly because I knew that she liked someone else.Hey before you put your brains in judging whether the person whom I liked is the same whom I admire even today let me tell you they are different human beings.

Feeling suffocated at my own cowardice to at-least express what I wanted to say I simply went back to my room to get the best medicine in the world i.e. sleep.

This month apart from my above failure was also a month of my USP being recognized somewhere with me giving out a ppt presentation in the audi although not many of the present audience consisting of my college mates were interested in listening to the presenters still I felt enthralled when everybody clapped as I was getting the certificate from the chief guest.That night was one when I slept feeling proud of myself of having some kind of talent as over the time I have started considering even possessing ppt presentation skills as some kind of talent may be its because I don't have any other talent to boast of so this one was something I thought should be considered as my talent!.  

This euphoria of having given a presentation on the stage continued for the next few days where in my debate practice session I used to be confident. 

But this sense of euphoria had to end somewhere and I did not know it will end THE WAY IT DID. 

I cannot explain the reason here but I will explain in some other post as an explanation for some other situation where this reason will again come to the fore simply because I am not being able to gather courage to speak about it as on now.

Anyways during the fest my team won the first prize in B-Plan competition and my class earned a profit of around 1000 bucks from the litti choka shop (to my north indian friends- litti choka is a special dish from Bihar quite popular there and we sold it at premium price) for which some of my best friends were the cook and I was the sales executive. You know sometimes even now many people including my seniors and batch mates remember me as a salesman for the litti chokha shop.

Happy and Sad Moments go hand in hand although I tried to put in some happy moments but something stopped me from explaining more about even the cherished moments during this period may it was due to my determination of not disclosing the sad part that I could not explain even the happier part to its best hope you will continue reading this write up in the next post also where I hope I will be able to do justice to post in telling THE TRUTH. 

  

ThE FrEE LiFe!

My this eed ka chaand :-) second post is all about the freedom i 'm feeling now a days as my ST aka Summer Torture is almost over wid only a few silly but somhow important things to b done b4 I 'm back to my spicy fried rice college. So guys yesterday being sunday was a lazy day( really very very lazy..did nt tak bath..paani kum paani kum hai kuchh kuchh tap mey... ka bahana) , with whol day spent on net and mostly on social networking alias FB, the evening for a change was somwhat interesting as my one of the best buddies from Art of living called up to tell me that we are going to Satsang, i know u must b thinking how can any1 EnJoy SatSang.. but yar its kinda AddicTioN to me that wen I listen to krishna songs I start loving everything around and then it seems as if everything is so perfect4 me.

Then after this brief stint of NirVana I reached hom at around 10pm after som small travel oriented shopping in my small sweet beautiful town, u know I jst love ridin my Single Cylinder 1oo CC HoNda Make twin seater gearless vehicle aka ActiVa in the NighT with bubbling lights, not much traffic and cool breeze flowing inside me while the smooth roads( as I tak only smooth route for this fantabulous experience) make it easier for my lungs and ribs to take 'in' oxygenated air   in a normal natural fashion.

The nite time without chekin up wid my frends on FB is like missing out on somthing in life now a days. So here I start with my collg frnds and their frnds hehe:) , u know I wanted to celebrate the day I had ONE HUNDRED freinds in my profile and also  it seems so good when ur freinds appreciate/make funny comments on ur profile as well as u crackin jokes on their status'. But somtimes I feel xtremely bad all4 my own behavior as even when I consider som of my freinds as one my closer ones but they feel quite boring/ chipku wen I try to chat. Leave it guys on this post I don't want much of sad things, so yesterday u know one of my really studious and gentle frends' haryanavi one liner status( wich I later copied on my status :) ) attracted some funny ignorant comments on his profile with some DivAs although liking the status but unaware of the meaning..hehe:).

But u know when I copied it on ma status, my witty frends not only knew the meaning but also commented back in the same tone..u know it seems so happy when som1 appreciates the language of the state u belong ( although regretfully dunno language wel but still love it wen any1 speaks it).

Then guys signing out (to c u bak soon at various times at various places) keep enjoying fantabulous life.. if u'r not feeling it to be so tell me v'l surely make it so..

leaving wid a mantra IF U CAN'T DELETE THE negative THINGS IN LIFE then HIGHLIGHT THE POSITIVE things.  

ECSTATIC LIFE

The sweet morning freshness
Enters my skin
Makes me feel blessed
Feels like heaven
When the little drops over flower platelets
Glance at me through it’s pores

And the manmade music
In itself a blessing
When the sweet sounds entering my ears touch the brain
Some magical hormones flow
And I don’t wanna ask anymore questions
Why the grass is greener today,
Why amaltas tree leaves are in a joyous mood
And why my eyes glittering?

May be because ‘m more interested in this seemingly immortal blissful fruit
Which is making me feel like dancing,
In this rain of ecstatic hormones
Which is flowing through my veins
After passing through the parrots, flowers, early morning sun
Along with the divine silence.

I know for sure
That this is the feeling I had been looking for long
Which helps me realize my dream
Of a pretty helpful world
leaving the vagaries of life behind
my dream of a perfect world and a perfect life
I don’t wanna open my eyes anymore,
Its like a child does not wanna come out of bed for fear of cold
But then I have had enough share of cold,
Now it’s just the time to get pleasure in being carried away with the nature’s gifts.

Starting a New Inning!!

After a long time 'm back to blogger. A lot has happened in between and changed my perception too towards the world in many ways. At this point of time, I'm quite excited for this blog as I wish to continue this for many years to come expressing different facets of my life and the lives around. I am sure that whoever will read will feel connected to the write ups and also I will be looking forward for your views as it will greatly help me too in formulating a better view of world.

WELCOME ALL MY MATES ON EARTH..REALLY  LOOKING FORWARD TO CONTINUE MY JOURNEY OF LIFE WITH YOU!

Keep Enjoying Life! Stay Smiling :)